Bitches Be Crazy

So for the first installment of my wah wah whiny posts -

It's been a rather pleasant year thus far. I have grown and matured a lot through the years. I have experienced many different kinds of relationships with friends and more than that. I thought I had gotten through all my insecurities that I gathered from my previous relationships but alas, it seems that is not valid anymore. You see, I used to be so scared that my significant other would break my heart (understandably) and I'd be a paranoid and invasive bitch to them. Most of these things came from my relationship with Teddy and I thought I had gotten over them through my time of being single. I felt like when I was single for that while I found myself, I gained my independence, boosted my self-esteem, and was completely content with either being alone or with another. But now as I'm in a serious relationship and falling hard, all these new insecurities I haven't thought about before are surfacing. Because of that independence I gained it's hard for me to feel vulnerable. Therefore, I don't seem to desire to really give myself to my boyfriend or really fall too hard for him. Of course that becomes complicated when I in fact do feel very much in love with him. And this all is very horrible because of said insecurity, it makes me act out. Every time I feel slightly vulnerable I act as if I don't care about this relationship, or him for that matter. I don't want to let show that I actually can get hurt if this thing ends any time soon. When I was single, in the most conceited way, I felt pretty much like a badass. That I didn't need to be in a relationship and in one way or another, I was better than people in relationships because I was 'above that' in some way. I wasn't all 'goo-goo' over some guy and I didn't like that mushy romance bullshit. And now since I am pretty much goo-goo over my current boyfriend I feel a bit of a hypocrite internally. So since that's basically tearing me apart on the inside, thus brings out my insecurity of being vulnerable. So basically, I just really need to get over myself.