Monday, March 30, 2009
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
The way I'm feeling has no explanation. It's very hard for me to fall out of love. The fact that I love how people are is the reason. The small things they do, really. And since the memories last, and the fact that they still do these things don't change, it's hard for me to stop the way I feel. It was easy to stop loving Teddy because I didn't really love him per say. I was addicted to him. Obsessed, rather. There was not something he specifically did that made me fall in love with him. Or keep loving him however. Just the fact that he seemed completely uncommitted. And the more he kept pushing me away, and tearing me down, the more I wanted him. Simply because I felt like I couldn't obtain anyone else. And it was astounding how much he cared about me because I was such a pathetic thing. Anyway, this isn't about him. What I'm getting at is, when I love how someone does something, even the smallest of things, I can't not love them later. Because they continue to do it. Or be that person. It's a curse really, loving people for who they are. I wish I could just despise everyone. Then I wouldn't have this problem.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
It's funny that the only time the people you desire for so long decide to show any interest, is when you're already in a relationship. It hasn't happened to me that often but it seems like this time around, it's happened a significant amount. I started dating my boyfriend a little over two months ago and since then, two people I used to have huge crushes on has shown interest in me. For the first time. One being completely sexually, and the other has just basically poured his soul out to me about his deepest fears and insecurities. Other than those two, one of my good friends who I had a history with for a while ended her relationship with her girlfriend pretty recently and told me that if I wasn't with my boyfriend she'd want to get together with me. It's just random and unexpected really. From all parties. I don't know, I just wish they all had better timing I guess. But I suppose that's why they're approaching me right now.